The end.

I've never been a good liar. Which is how all this got started in the first damned place. I just wanted out.  I couldn't lie anymore.

I never meant for any of this to happen. Not like this.

You were just supposed to go missing.  I still don't know what really went wrong. When Gary told me we had problems, I had no idea just how wrong it had all gone.

And I knew I was stuck.  I knew I was in trouble.  I thought this little blog project could become my alibi - but I don't think even it is going to save us now. Gary's gone completely off his rocker and who knows what he's told to whom. The night he and I got into it, when Brian threw him out, he was ready to go to the police and tell them everything.  That's what the fight was really about...

How you ended up on the side of the road and not in the damned car is beyond me.  Problems, indeed. You always said Gary could fuck up just about anything though.  How's that for irony?

I know it's just a matter of time now before they put all the pieces together.  They have the laptop.  I'm sure there's a way to tell those reservations were made from it.  I never thought they'd catch that other credit card.  I figured they'd just check the bank accounts.  Little did I know. The fucking ring I am sure is a dead giveaway too... What husband going missing buys thousand dollar diamond rings on his way out of town?  I have to wonder if they have known all along and were just waiting on me to hang myself...

Not that I am the hanging type, but they won't have to wait long in any case.
I'm pretty sure it was Gary's crazy ass that started the fire, too. Trying to find or hide whatever evidence he thought was here. His missed the cell phone, who knows what else is here with both of our 'fingerprints' all over it.
I guess I am damning Gary with this last post, too.  I really don't care. It's his damned fault we're in this mess.  If he'd have stuck to the plan, it would have just been an unfortunate car accident and we could have gotten away - both with it and from here.

Now we're up to our eyeballs in this mess with no way out.

I'm not cut our for prison. I simply refuse.

So - the kids are set - your life insurance will cover the house.  Their trust funds will have them pretty well set well into adulthood.  The house insurance will cover the fire damage if they choose to stay here. The house will belong to them to do with as they wish.

As for me, it's time to take my final bow. I just can't keep up this game anymore.  This blog is exhausting. These lies are tripping all over themselves. I am sure Jacob is wise to much more than he is letting me know.  And who knows what little Miss Busybody Billie is onto - relentless bitch.

So with that, and this final glass of wine, I bid you all farewell.

Katy, I know you will be fine. You're my princess and I love you so much.  I'm sorry I wont' be here to see you married.  I hope you and Brian stick together and make a happy life with each other. You are destined for such great things.

James, my rock, I love you more than you realize.  I hope you and Blair are happy.  Stick with it. I know graduation is just around the corner and your life is about to open up with possibility.  Know that I will be watching over you from above.

Don't cry for me when I am gone. Don't do a big funeral. I always hated all of that.

Know that I am always with you and will love you forever.

I'm sorry for it all.  This was never how I imagined it ending.

Much love.

As the smoke clears

I had almost managed to convince myself over the weekend that it was all some sort of bad dream, a huge mistake.
That I would drive up the road to our house and it would be situation normal.

Not that I could even choose to forget while away, especially as I jump every time the phone rings now.

The kids are spooked.  Katy fretted all weekend about Brian, her room, and her stuff, almost frantic over the thought that her collection of teddy bears and toy rabbits had been destroyed.

James spent a lot of time on his phone. Mostly talking to Blair I think.

And yes, before we left, we called in on  your parents.
Your mother has been in constant hysterics.  Apparently everything is my fault again.  She kept saying that you were her son and it is her right to organise your funeral.
At her church.  With all those dreadful judgmental over-the-top friends of hers.
She went on and on about it, until I just stood up and announced that we were leaving for the weekend.

Your father walked me to the door and told me quietly that he was going to see if the family doctor would prescribe some sort of sedative for her.  I hope so.  She is so close to going off the rails completely and quite honestly, I can't deal with it.

So after a couple of nights away, I was finally able to get back to the house and try and work out our next step.
Yes, I am back to writing my lists.

In the daylight, it doesn't seem as bad as it did Friday night.

The main living areas, although soggy and dirty don't seem to be too badly damaged thankfully.
And the kids rooms too, can probably be sorted with a fresh coat of paint and new carpets.

The insurance assessor, along with someone from the fire department, met us at the house and together we walked through.

All indications are that the fire was started in your office.  Most probably with some sort of petrol bomb.
All I could think was that the motive was "if we cant find it, we will destroy it".
What ever "it" is.

Although I am beginning to believe "it" is your laptop which at the moment is safely with Blair.

James told me on the weekend that he has made a back up of your files as well.  To some "cloud" or something.
Too technical for me.

I have told him that it is time to hand it over to the police, so I called Jacob after the insurance guy left.

Whatever you have been involved with, David, I can't sort it on my own.

This fire made me realise that we are all in danger now.

And as much as I am sick to death of dealing with uniforms and guys in suits, I have to protect our children.

They are all I have left now.


Jacob is at the door, and this time he has someone else with him.  A guy in a suit, of course.
Hopefully we can now get some answers.

Down in Flames

I'm taking the kids out of town for the weekend. We'd have to stay in a hotel anyway, so might as well get away for a bit.

All hell has broken loose.

The house caught fire last night.  Thank goodness we were all away when it happened. They don't know the cause of it yet, of course, but with everything else that's gone on this month, I can't help but to imagine the worst.

I don't understand why you made hotel reservations without telling me about it.  But then again, I don't know why you disappeared.  James showed me a lot of other stuff on the laptop.  Seems you were researching  a whole bunch of crap that makes absolutely no sense. I can't say I understand any of it - and there's a lot of it... Or how you managed to send a text message from your phone after you left when I found your phone - smashed - here in the yard.  I just don't understand.

The house is a complete disaster.  What isn't burnt is either soaking wet or covered in soot and smoke.  I don't know what we will be able to salvage, if anything. It's like my whole world has been yanked out from under me in a matter of weeks.

I'm going to pick the kids up in a little bit and we'll take the weekend away and try to regroup.  I don't know where to go from here. Your parents told me to stop by before I got the kids.  They want to talk.  This is one I am not looking forward to.  As long as they don't dump anything else in my lap, I really just don't care at this point.  What point IS there in caring right now?  I can't see much.

They're not releasing your body til all the test results get back, so there's no point in even worrying about a funeral in the middle of all this other stuff.

I don't even know if you will have a funeral...

I sure hope the house insurance is paid up.

I don't dare ask what next....  I'm afraid on what the answer might be.