2nd April

My darling,

I threw out the dinner I left for you last night, and replaced it with your serve from tonight.
Steak and Vegetables, simple food, the way you like it.

It was then, over dinner that I told the children that you haven't been home for more than a day, and the hardest thing, telling them that I have no idea where you are.

Katy, our little drama queen, burst into tears, like she does.  Always her Daddy's girl as you know so well.
James just went silent before coming and wrapping his arms around me in an awkward hug.

I broke then.  The exhaustion and the worry, combined with that hug, I couldn't stop the tears.

I am writing this now, through blurry eyes, but writing seems to help.

Where are you?  I keep asking and you don't answer.
Why haven't you called?

Even if your phone is dead.  You would call.

You said you loved me...

Ridiculous thoughts keep creeping in to my head.  I keep going over and over our last conversations, and wondering what might have made you leave?

We promised we would be together forever...

The clock in the hallway just chimed.  4am.
I can't face the bed tonight so I am just sitting on the couch, in the quiet.  The kids are asleep.  I checked on them before making a cup of tea around midnight and since then I have just been sitting.

You know it is the little things, the little routines that really underline the fact that you are not here.
The bed time cup of tea, that you can make so much better than me, the first coffee in the morning, always served with a kiss.

I miss your kisses so much.

This is so different to when you have gone away with work.  You would call, always.  Especially before bed.
And you would whisper good night as I would reluctantly hang up the phone.

I am so tired, and my heart is aching.

I need to make a list, for tomorrow.

If you are not home in the morning, I am calling the police.
Also I need to call your work, and mine too, they will be wondering why I haven't been in today.

And I suppose I better call Myrtle.  Your mother needs to know her son is missing.