The Car

Oh my Darling,

As much as I have been begging for answers, I really wasn't expecting this.

The door bell rang, early, 7am I think, as I was just getting ready for work.

Detective Sommers was at the door, and with him a female constable and when I saw the look on their faces, my heart stopped.

As much as I wanted to slam the door and run and hide, I let them in and of course they did the whole "do you want to sit down?" thing.

I guess it was a visit I had been expecting.

Jacob, Detective Sommers, held my hands as he told me that they had found your car.
A person walking their dog had spotted it, at low tide, half submerged at the bottom of North Beach cliff.

The car, completely wrecked, your car, your pride and joy, windscreen smashed and chassis crumpled.

They checked the number plates, there is no doubt.  Your car.
There were divers looking, but so far they haven't found your body.
Jacob seems to think that it was some unfortunate accident.  It isn't the first car that has missed the bend and ended up on the rocks.

I could see that they believe the mystery is solved, even without finding you.
The tides are unpredictable, they said.  The water deep, and sharks common.

They will continue looking.  Checking local beaches.

I think they expected me to break down but instead, all I felt was hollow.

I think I thanked them, and then after closing the door behind them, I went to wake the children.

Katy of course, went into denial, insisting that they must be wrong, that you weren't in the car and it was all an awful joke.

And James, all James did was look at me and walk back into his room.  He wont talk to me and I am so worried.  All he does is stay in his room, or he is over at Blair's house.  He says he is going to school, and I can only trust that he is, but it is like waiting for a grenade to go off.
It isn't right or good that he is keeping everything bottled up like this.

And then I called your Mother.

She answered this time.  And went so quiet as I told her what the police had told me, that your car had been found, but you were still...missing.

And all she said when I finished was "okay" and hung up, leaving me looking at the phone in disbelief.

I rang work then, told them that I wasn't coming in.  I am lucky they haven't sacked me yet I guess, with all the time I have been taking off.  Wouldn't blame them in some ways, even when I have been there, my mind has been elsewhere.

The strangest thing though, when I woke up, I could have sworn I smelled your cologne.  Like you had been our room with me.  And then I found the iPod playing our song, stuck on repeat.

But you are dead, I need to believe this.  

Your car is totaled at the bottom of a cliff and you are not coming home.

You broke your promise.

We were going to grow old together.

Travel, and spoil our grand kids.

I think I hate you.