Answers. More Questions.

I'm wearing so thin that I don't even know how to go on.  I know I will. But I just don't see how. I've only got a little more than a day before I have to be back at work. You're still gone. And everything just becomes more and more strange the longer you are not here. But as much as I'd like to just crawl in bed and hide under the covers, I can't. Life is going on whether I want it to or not...

I know you probably wouldn't like him, but I thank goodness for Brian.  He's holding Katy together and has taken over Facebook duties.  He assures us it is just some 'internet troll' and there's nothing to worry about.  I am not sure I understand it all, but I can't even deal with it right now.  I'm glad he's in the picture, even if you wouldn't be.

The credit card business is even more confusing. Jacob - Detective Sommers - was able to obtain what charges were made at the Hyatt. It's seems you've booked reservations but not yet used them.  It's for weeks away but he assures me that the hotel has been alerted to what's going on and will let us know if they hear from you - or anyone else, for that matter - in regard to the reservations.  Why were you booking a hotel?  Had you planned this all out in advance?  Why are you gone now, though?  They said the reservations were made online so maybe if James ever gets your laptop working we'll find some answers. Who knows??? Maybe there are no answers.

Tiffany's is being a little less forthcoming.  They are demanding some sort of court order to release the purchase receipts. So who knows what the hell you bought there? I can't imagine... I just can't imagine. That's not like you at all.  Tiffany's? You always told me it was too expensive.  Too expensive for me.  Then for who?

I felt really guilty, but I've contacted the bank, too. What little money we do have, you can't touch. If you really ARE in trouble and need it, I hope I made the right decision. I'm to the point now though where I have to think of the three of us here and not the one gone. I'm not angry - not as angry, I guess - as much as I am just facing reality. This has gone on too long to just sit and wait. I've got to begin to make sure we will be okay.

But the yard is mowed. For whatever that's worth. Your son is really stepping up in your absence. He's quiet and withdrawn, but he's holding it all together. I think you'd be proud.

Maybe I will get out there and tend to the garden now that the grass is cut. Give me something to do before I have to go back to work.  I can't just sit here worrying and wondering and jumping every time the phone rings.

I keep hoping and wishing you'd come home. At the moment I don't know if I'd punch you or kiss you if you walked in that door.

I'm beginning to wonder if you ever will again...